Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Just blogging...

I am a person who changes moods alot! Well, I am quiet most of the time but if I feel hypo, I can be pretty loud.
But usually, I am quiet and I'm the kind of person that doesnt mind sitting by themselves. Infact, I kinda like it that way.
I feel like I dont have to impress anyone, say something 'cool', try and think of something smart to say or even laugh even if its not that funny. If I don't laugh or smile while other people are, they tend to think I'm in a bad mood or I feel sad. But really, all I'm doing is listening and I dont want to feel like putting on a fake smile. Then I feel sorry that I cant be a person who is all cheery and gets every joke. I wish I could, but I'm not.

I had a stranger tell me to smile while I was working. It didn't feel good because I felt fine and as soon as he told me to smile, it actually made me sad. I think its because a total stranger had to tell me what I should do because I couldnt even make myself smile.
It also kinda made me sad for myself because I can't be a happy person like other people who smile everyday. But how can I be happy by putting a fake smile? They say that the best relationship you could have is with yourself first, then when you are happy, you can have great relationships with everyone else.
Maybe that is why I am so selfish, because I am not happy with myself and who I am. That is why I can't be happy around others because I can't even be happy for myself.

I think the person I really want to be is outgoing, loud, happy but also having the quiet side of myself. I try but maybe I need to try harder and think of all the good things around me and not all the bad ones.

Anyways, I'm just writing how I feel at the moment and I feel good when I write my feelings down. I feel like I can just let everything I feel out and not having to keep it inside. :)

My goal is to be happier, be grateful and not worry too much about everything. Also keep thinking about all the good things in my life and not only the bad ones.


No comments:

Post a Comment